Sometimes i wonder... life has its ups and downs... but i always ask myself.. why do i seem to face more downs than ups ? I know there will always be someone out there who is worse off than me, and that my problems are insignificant as compared to others....... but i am getting tired.. realli tired....

Life can be really unpredictable.. even cruel @ times..... at one moment, i feel like i am on top of the World, but the next thing i know.. i come crashing back to the ground..

There are so many things i wanna do, and so many things that i wanna say... but yet, it can be so difficult.....

I always thought that for every obstacle i faced and overcome, i would be stronger for the next one...... in fact, this was my thinking all this years..... but now, after facing another new obstacle.. i suddenly feel very weak and vulnerable... guess the strength that i thought i had, was just a false front... in reality, i was getting more and more tired and weak........

People who know me, may think i am just another crappy guy who is happy-go-lucky... well maybe, but dats just part of me... there are many things people don't know abt me except my close friends.. and even things abt me that my close friends don't know, except some who have gone thru the same shit as me...

Sometimes, i feel that one of the greatest happiness in life is to have one true confidant.. someone whom we realli understand, share and confide in each other....even cry together... but too bad, i havnt found the one... Nonetheless, i am still glad i have 6 very good buddies whom i realli feel comfortable with... its just that we have not reached the level where we can realli share our problems together......


Now, talking abt my love life... i guess its gonna be empty for a long time...
As i mentioned b4, there is this gal who will always hold a special place in my heart; she was the 1st gal who caught my eye; the 1st gal who made my heart miss a beat and the 1st gal whom i realli liked.....

Soon after we left school, we lost contact ... and since dat day, i always hope that one fine day, i will be able to meet her again.... but days, months and years soon passed by with absolutely no news of her.... by then, i thought there was no way i could ever see her again, although.... the pinning never stopped...

Throughout this time, i have met other gals, and there was one whom i realli liked.. things went well initially, but, suddenly things came to a sudden standstill... den when i tot it was over, there was an unexpected turn of events, and things were looking rosy again... but again, it came to another standstill... and this time, i believe its realli over... nonetheless, i wish her all the best in everything she does, and that she will find the right man....

Now, talking abt the gal whom i lost contact.. 13 years had passed since i last saw her.. but now, i am glad to have finally found her and know that she is doing well... to be honest, i would be lying if i said i dun harbour any hopes.. cos deep in my heart, i realli wanted to get to know her better, and see if there was any possibility... but somehow, after so many things that happened to me, i knew that she deserved someone better, or at least i feel i dun stand a chance.. say its inferiority complex or whatever.. but i just feel that she would be happier with someone else......





Ok, guess its time to stop whinning and procrastinating and have a good sleep.... hopefully, tomorrow would be a better day............